It's Raining Today

1 week before 6 months.
It's Raining today.

Make peace, I just wanna be back in good condition.

So that my life is good, so that I can make my sorrounding being good.

I want to finish this hiding, I seem to be tired.

6 months that have changed my life to be uncertainty, even my sorrounding has become affected by my decision.

For years I have built, I have ruined it myself, I have sacrified lots of happiness for my dear people.

Forgive me, I promise to return everything to be good and to be better again.

Right now I'm really very helpless, I'm confused, I'm scared.

Today, I feel very helpless, I can only promise in order to the condition is still fine.

I seem to destroy many of the future of my dear ones.

I have no valuable things for to mortgaged, and I don't know where to look, I just hope there is miracle from God.

When I walked I couldn't stand staring, 

In my sleep sometimes become anxious, or sometimes I could shed tears even when I wrote this.

I'm so weak, I want to do something but I'm confused what to do.

I have to do something, I can't continue to wait and spend time without certainty.

I don't want to aggravate this situation, I don't want to be a burden to my loved ones.

Ya Allah, Forgive and have mercy on me.

Because for you everything is easy to make my condition be easy.